2 October 2017

The next morning I'm woken up at 8am with a him standing soaking wet at the bottom of my bed, confused, angry and probably still drunk, almost crying that I'd left him. To tired to really care I went with the classic response of yup, you knew that last night. Apparently the drunk events that followed were my fault for leaving, yeah mate. I'm not your minder any more.
He got blind drunk as usual and wandered.

1 October 2017

What seems like an age ago now I was informed I had to arrange a babysitter for Saturday, to attend one of his colleagues Birthday parties, just two weeks after my non event of a Birthday. He allegedly still wanted me to attend, as friends, although his drunken ramblings also informed me that the Birthday girl didn't want Girl 1 attending and she thought he was being all manner of idiotic swear word over the whole situation. So following my 'Man up' motto I decide to risk it all and attend the car crash.

9 September 2017

I finally got an answer, what does he expect me to do. He's been my best friend for 13 years and he has now left me emotionally and physically. This might be a fad or a mid life crisis, but right now he's done with our relationship. He doesn't see the point in me waiting for him to come back. I have to move on.

8 September 2017

Well it turns out the children had a boring night even if he didn't. They had baths, supper then bed, all rather rushed, but what can I expect if he's busy socialising. The adults had a takeaway, and according to all three kids dad slept on the couch and no one went in my room because the door stayed closed.
Whoa.. back up there, dad slept on the couch and my bedroom door was closed in the morning? So where did Girl 1 sleep? Did she leave and come back in the morning for her car?

7 September 2017

Well now I'm in my home town, and another 2 hours before I'm allowed to go home. Yup more walking. Without thinking my legs carry me home, I wish I'd gone elsewhere. Both his car and Girl 1's car are nestled together in the car park and my bedroom curtains are drawn. Me and the kids always use the blinds and he's the only one that ever bothers with the curtains. I really want to go to my own bed, but it looks like it would be a little crowded today.

6 September 2017

A couple of days after the last fiasco, I decide I need to be the better person. I still want him back, I want it to all go back to the way it was. I feel like I need him, I am so alone and I crave human contact. A simple hug right now would undo me.
I ask if he wants the car transferred into his name along with all the associated bills, predictable he says no because he can't afford it. He also helpfully tells me that if even if we do this I'd still have to pay the remainder of the years insurance, so I'd be paying two lots (Yeah right! I wouldn't be paying for the lot in your name!). I ignore the easy bitchy replies to that one, tougher than you would think! I also decide to offer him the chance to stay out a couple of nights when I'm not working, to try and normalise the household for the children(and me!).

4 September 2017

I put up with it all, and spent Monday moving furniture around do that he has his chest of drawers in the living room. Apparently I was meant to get angry, slap him or shout at him, anything to justify his behaviour. The way I see it is; This is my coping mechanism, if he wants to stay here as room mates then that's fine. He has friends (as he often points out!) so he can still entertain, and I don't have to put up with them. And I have my own space to hide from them and his shite.
 He actually seems miffed that I'm dealing with it so coldly, what does he expect a pat on the f**king back. Our conversations are limited to the children's needs, I ask him if he has plans (so I can go and get wrecked somewhere and make bad mistakes), guess what he's working, he has a 21st at work he has to go to. 'Always there' seems to mean little.

3 August 2017

Following on directly from the previous post (here), they did roll in cackling and giggling. Really glad they did because my partner's phone was out of charge and despite adding and messaging the young lady I wasn't able to make contact at all, which definitely made me very anxious. Never mind I had a long shift in front of me, with lots of smiley chat and little sleep.
Yeah it was rough going but the clock finally ticked round to leaving time. It hadn't stopped there though, I was messaged and told to be home sharpish as we were going out to lunch. I counted this as a hungover apology and thought no more of it. Ten minutes before leaving I also got a phone call asking if we had spare toothbrushes, my instant thought was that one of the kids had dropped theirs down the toilet so I explained where they were despite the fact the children should know where they were kept.

2 August 2017

I've always had an irrational jealousy of people with friends. Jealous of their social groups and the functions and nights out they attend. Irrational because I really can't see myself enjoying a night out with so many people or being so inebriated. Yet sometimes that jealous doesn't seem so irrational or unfounded.

2 July 2017

Directly following on from the festival tension was clear, not helped in the slightest by a random police stop that told us we had weeks to fix our shed of a car. Needless to say we were quite snippy with each other. However the joy of our relationship has always been our ability to sweep everything under the carpet and never speak of it again.
So by Thursday we were capable of talking like normal people. The day was marred slightly by him pointing out that I was getting fat, quite pointedly, a bit harsher than the usual light-hearted joking, but I let it go. What can you really say when confronted with the truth.