6 August 2017

Well finally the ice has thawed a touch. Asides from looking into flats to rent in the area and various videos on co-parenting (Idiot even looked at the on my computer!). Daft thing is he can't even put up a united front now, how does he expect to manage whilst reliving his teenage dreams.
I was informed today that his car problems are almost fixed, yadda yadda yadda. Seriously he was out with his 'friend' and this really important call happens and now he needs to talk to me about it. Then the penny drops: the car needs taxed and a final payment and transferred insurance. Oh yeah, definitely time to talk to me. Its all in my name and paid from my bank account, time to make nice.

He even went as far as to assure me he still loves me, I almost melted. Following that up with I just need to do my own thing right now; that ensured the next three ice ages! I only replied 'okay' or 'that's fine' to all these wonderous  statements. Do you know what my non aggressive behaviour got me? The reassurance that he wasn't actually sleeping with any one else.
Jesus God! I'm not sure how delusional boy blunder really is. 'God's gift to girls barely out of their teens' he isn't. Let's ignore the baggage of 3 kids and a partner, because they all seem to be able to. Looking alright for almost 40, but out of shape, drunk and skint; hardly a catch for these alcopop swigging teenage fools.

On the plus side the suicidal thoughts are gone, now I'm too bitter and angry.

5 August 2017

Well all quiet on the Western front, literally. Complete radio silence from him, he bought me a chocolate bar though. Lovely, shame I'm behind in every single one of the bills. At least half of which are from his purchases, and he forgot to cancel a free trial of now TV,  so yeah, struggling financially right now. But hey at least he's not shouting at me and telling me my opinion is wrong.

Aberdeen

How many people can remember the first life changing lie they told? I can.

In a time of weekly Bunty editions, when I was content making mud pies in the garden with my wellies and a red tartan dress as my everyday clothes (Gotta love 80's fashion on a small child!). I was sitting on my parents coffee table swinging my legs because they didn't reach the floor. I remember seeing vague reflections on my scuffed black patent dressy shoes, and trying to pull my socks up despite being told not to fidget by my hovering mother.

Overview

My life has often appeared punctuate by events and fleeting moments that would define a normal persons personality. Thankfully I don't believe I fall under the classification of normal, therefore I will continue to blunder on. That's not to say that I am happy in my life, often I barely manage content.

4 August 2017

Sitting last night I realised I needed to grow up. Stop whining when other people have it much worse than me, and yes I know that makes it sound as if I'm in some form of abusive relationship. But we've been together a while now, and its not always plain sailing for any couple.
So I queued up the latest episode of our fave film, and looked forward to the mountain of food he always brings in from work. Somehow I'd forgotten to eat all day, but eating issues are nothing new to me and he was going to be in at 11pm anyway so it would be fine. Half 11 and I'm assuming he's given someone a lift home, while really in the back of my mind I'm stressing. Has he been in an accident, has he just decided to go out, will he be home tonight.

3 August 2017

Following on directly from the previous post (here), they did roll in cackling and giggling. Really glad they did because my partner's phone was out of charge and despite adding and messaging the young lady I wasn't able to make contact at all, which definitely made me very anxious. Never mind I had a long shift in front of me, with lots of smiley chat and little sleep.
Yeah it was rough going but the clock finally ticked round to leaving time. It hadn't stopped there though, I was messaged and told to be home sharpish as we were going out to lunch. I counted this as a hungover apology and thought no more of it. Ten minutes before leaving I also got a phone call asking if we had spare toothbrushes, my instant thought was that one of the kids had dropped theirs down the toilet so I explained where they were despite the fact the children should know where they were kept.

2 August 2017

I've always had an irrational jealousy of people with friends. Jealous of their social groups and the functions and nights out they attend. Irrational because I really can't see myself enjoying a night out with so many people or being so inebriated. Yet sometimes that jealous doesn't seem so irrational or unfounded.

1 August 2017

To re kindle the energy sadly lacking in our lives we arranged for a friend to babysit the kids while we went out gallivanting and enjoyed adult entertainment. All dolled up, and it turns out trains are subject to cancellation, concerned about getting back for the babysitter I decided to nix the evenings plans.
Instead I suggested a nice meal and then maybe some outdoor adult fun. His very next sentence was that the young lady he knew from work was at a loose end tonight as well. Before I could pick my jaw off the floor he was on the phone to her. I offered him me, on a platter, and his very first thought was, I know I'll phone a 21 year old girl. Gee thanks a bunch for the confidence boost.

2 July 2017

Directly following on from the festival tension was clear, not helped in the slightest by a random police stop that told us we had weeks to fix our shed of a car. Needless to say we were quite snippy with each other. However the joy of our relationship has always been our ability to sweep everything under the carpet and never speak of it again.
So by Thursday we were capable of talking like normal people. The day was marred slightly by him pointing out that I was getting fat, quite pointedly, a bit harsher than the usual light-hearted joking, but I let it go. What can you really say when confronted with the truth.

1 July 2017

My partner and myself attended a festival as a kind of working holiday. This is my third year attending and his second, it was original to be my thing a space for me to be myself and relax, but apparently I made it sound too much fun for my partner to miss out on. This year a member of his family also came to work with us.