9 September 2017

I finally got an answer, what does he expect me to do. He's been my best friend for 13 years and he has now left me emotionally and physically. This might be a fad or a mid life crisis, but right now he's done with our relationship. He doesn't see the point in me waiting for him to come back. I have to move on.

8 September 2017

Well it turns out the children had a boring night even if he didn't. They had baths, supper then bed, all rather rushed, but what can I expect if he's busy socialising. The adults had a takeaway, and according to all three kids dad slept on the couch and no one went in my room because the door stayed closed.
Whoa.. back up there, dad slept on the couch and my bedroom door was closed in the morning? So where did Girl 1 sleep? Did she leave and come back in the morning for her car?

7 September 2017

Well now I'm in my home town, and another 2 hours before I'm allowed to go home. Yup more walking. Without thinking my legs carry me home, I wish I'd gone elsewhere. Both his car and Girl 1's car are nestled together in the car park and my bedroom curtains are drawn. Me and the kids always use the blinds and he's the only one that ever bothers with the curtains. I really want to go to my own bed, but it looks like it would be a little crowded today.

6 September 2017

A couple of days after the last fiasco, I decide I need to be the better person. I still want him back, I want it to all go back to the way it was. I feel like I need him, I am so alone and I crave human contact. A simple hug right now would undo me.
I ask if he wants the car transferred into his name along with all the associated bills, predictable he says no because he can't afford it. He also helpfully tells me that if even if we do this I'd still have to pay the remainder of the years insurance, so I'd be paying two lots (Yeah right! I wouldn't be paying for the lot in your name!). I ignore the easy bitchy replies to that one, tougher than you would think! I also decide to offer him the chance to stay out a couple of nights when I'm not working, to try and normalise the household for the children(and me!).

5 September 2017

Well I scrapped the car for him, a measly £25, yup I was robbed. However if he wanted it done he should really have done it four Wednesdays ago like he stated. Tension is still riding high and the back lash of my eldest (15) quoting him to get what he wants is starting to grate a touch. "I just want a social life", You don't understand, I need to spend time with my friends." and the best one "Fuck off I don't need to tell you where I've been.". Not getting easier.

4 September 2017

I put up with it all, and spent Monday moving furniture around do that he has his chest of drawers in the living room. Apparently I was meant to get angry, slap him or shout at him, anything to justify his behaviour. The way I see it is; This is my coping mechanism, if he wants to stay here as room mates then that's fine. He has friends (as he often points out!) so he can still entertain, and I don't have to put up with them. And I have my own space to hide from them and his shite.
 He actually seems miffed that I'm dealing with it so coldly, what does he expect a pat on the f**king back. Our conversations are limited to the children's needs, I ask him if he has plans (so I can go and get wrecked somewhere and make bad mistakes), guess what he's working, he has a 21st at work he has to go to. 'Always there' seems to mean little.

3 September 2017

Wow what a roller coaster weekend, I escaped early on Friday (my 35th Birthday) to spend the day myself. I did nothing special, just pancakes and a cup of tea while I read my book and people watched. So relaxing and peaceful. Just about to get on the bus to get home in time for the kids and I check my phone 3 missed calls from him.
My happy peace shattered I call back wondering if something is wrong with the kids. Apparently I shouldn't have left town at all, where am I, why, with who? The last one confused him massively, no one should be on their own on their birthday. God sake I am a fully functional adult perfectly capable of being on my own for 3 hours! I have no friends and didn't want to listen to him moaning or telling me what he'd got up to with his friends, so sue me!

2 September 2017

A copy of the second email I never got a chance to send. Mainly because I got into 'my' car the day before my birthday for the brief 3 hours he could spare me to find Girl 1's cigarette packets strewn across my side, and he'd forgot his wallet so I was expected to pay for my Birthday lunch at the classy McDonald's. Oh yeah and he threw a huff because I mentioned my sister was a twisted S.O.B, so rallied the car home. Not a single red light appeared for me to jump out the car in anger, very disappointing. Then he laughed in my face at my anger so I retaliated with the points in here:

 Well my last email obviously missed the point. Took longer to dawn on me than it should of, you were merely placating me. 

1 September 2017

A copy of the email I sent my other half:

I've been trying to talk to you for weeks and it seems impossible without me getting over emotional or you getting loud. Yes I know I struggle to understand your perspective but you don't even seem to notice mine.

For me it started to really go to shit at the festival. Yes you've explained your needs and reasons, but you didn't seem to get how it made me feel. Humiliated in front of people I would almost call friends and the sympathy of your brother wasn't what I needed or wanted.

When you do that disappearing act with your mates they get it, so I don't get 50 questions. These guys expected different from what they knew of you. The pity of your brother reassuring me that he'd  make sure I made it home, like I was an incapable child abandoned. It hurt.