3 October 2017

By the end of Monday he'd tried to cement in my head that sex means nothing to him and there fore shouldn't to me. This continued into Tuesday with the delightful addition of making it pity sex. I'm really 'emotionally unstable' and it will make me 'feel better' and he is only doing it to stop me from feeling depressed and alone. He doesn't want to see me hurting and this makes me feel better. Okay sound enough in principle, but in practice the gut wrenching guilt and increased jealousy doesn't make it easier.

10 September 2017

Well the first couple of days are manageable. He did come back that night and decided that honesty was the best policy (something I've been saying for years!). Considering he's only been 'involved' with her for 4 days, they seem to have made a lot of life plans. When I scratched the graffiti into the car and called it mine, she offered to buy him a new one. When it looked like he was being flung out she offered to rent a house for them to move into together. They are now at the professing love stage and he's even thinking marriage.

4 September 2017

I put up with it all, and spent Monday moving furniture around do that he has his chest of drawers in the living room. Apparently I was meant to get angry, slap him or shout at him, anything to justify his behaviour. The way I see it is; This is my coping mechanism, if he wants to stay here as room mates then that's fine. He has friends (as he often points out!) so he can still entertain, and I don't have to put up with them. And I have my own space to hide from them and his shite.
 He actually seems miffed that I'm dealing with it so coldly, what does he expect a pat on the f**king back. Our conversations are limited to the children's needs, I ask him if he has plans (so I can go and get wrecked somewhere and make bad mistakes), guess what he's working, he has a 21st at work he has to go to. 'Always there' seems to mean little.

Overview

My life has often appeared punctuate by events and fleeting moments that would define a normal persons personality. Thankfully I don't believe I fall under the classification of normal, therefore I will continue to blunder on. That's not to say that I am happy in my life, often I barely manage content.