3 October 2017

By the end of Monday he'd tried to cement in my head that sex means nothing to him and there fore shouldn't to me. This continued into Tuesday with the delightful addition of making it pity sex. I'm really 'emotionally unstable' and it will make me 'feel better' and he is only doing it to stop me from feeling depressed and alone. He doesn't want to see me hurting and this makes me feel better. Okay sound enough in principle, but in practice the gut wrenching guilt and increased jealousy doesn't make it easier.
In addition to the sexual badgering, she stayed the night on Monday. Not that I was asked but when he jumped up before the alarms and offered to do the school run so I could go back to sleep I was a touch suspicious. Yeah sitting room door firmly closed and quiet talking. I gave up got up and dressed. He spluttered and hummed and hawed before final 'confessing' that she'd spent the night last night.
I laughed in his face and told him I knew. When he looked confused, I rather coldly, asked him when he last got p for the kids in the morning. I told him I wasn't daft, and didn't appreciate my nose being rubbed in it. After she left he told me how happy he was that I had handled it really well. Yeah alright then, if I sit up and beg will I get a treat too?
I'm not proud but I took a couple of the sexual offers that day, I used him. As long as I finished first it counts as using? Yeah the guilt might not be worth it, but I guess I'm feeling vengeful and angry. And in all honest him trying to mess with my head wasn't helping.
Her clutch on her car broke on Tuesday so she had to use his car, and because of that and all the running about with their different shifts and where the car had to be he asked if she could stop the night. A touch cheeky?

He did say I didn't have to say yes, but I did. Now its not that he's worn me down, which has happened in the past. I feel I have to show I'm the better person, especially after cutting up his car like a child. His main concern was that I had mentioned I might have a drink that night.

A wise concern alcohol seems to make me more confrontational. However I have never drank when I was in a bad mood, I know how I can over react. Turns out it was nothing to worry about, my throat had swollen up and I was sleeping before they even got it.

The next day I did the school run and pottered about doing dishes. They showed no signs of moving, but hey I'm not their alarm clock anymore. So I disappeared off to get some shopping hoping she'd be gone by the time I woke up. No such luck.

I got to the front door and actually considered listening to hear if it was a bad time to go in. Then thought, nope it's my house and opened the door. Right into her. I honestly couldn't have timed it worse. The weight of the shopping in my backpack and hands meant I was going in however the hall is a really tight squeeze at the best of times. I put my head down, said sorry, and shuffled past them.
Mortifying.