4 October 2017

I thought this morning was awkward, well the day was just beginning. I crashed out on the bed, the cold getting the better of me. I heard him leaving to go and fix her clutch. What a joke he couldn't fix a plug in under a year and as for cars he is clueless. But off he trotted to do his new ladies bidding. I collected the kids from school, and tried on some new clothes (Depression shopping). I'm standing in my undies after taking off a new dress and I hear the close door going. Panicked look outside and her cars there, so he's back. I slam the door over and throw clothes on.

3 October 2017

By the end of Monday he'd tried to cement in my head that sex means nothing to him and there fore shouldn't to me. This continued into Tuesday with the delightful addition of making it pity sex. I'm really 'emotionally unstable' and it will make me 'feel better' and he is only doing it to stop me from feeling depressed and alone. He doesn't want to see me hurting and this makes me feel better. Okay sound enough in principle, but in practice the gut wrenching guilt and increased jealousy doesn't make it easier.

9 September 2017

I finally got an answer, what does he expect me to do. He's been my best friend for 13 years and he has now left me emotionally and physically. This might be a fad or a mid life crisis, but right now he's done with our relationship. He doesn't see the point in me waiting for him to come back. I have to move on.

5 September 2017

Well I scrapped the car for him, a measly £25, yup I was robbed. However if he wanted it done he should really have done it four Wednesdays ago like he stated. Tension is still riding high and the back lash of my eldest (15) quoting him to get what he wants is starting to grate a touch. "I just want a social life", You don't understand, I need to spend time with my friends." and the best one "Fuck off I don't need to tell you where I've been.". Not getting easier.

2 September 2017

A copy of the second email I never got a chance to send. Mainly because I got into 'my' car the day before my birthday for the brief 3 hours he could spare me to find Girl 1's cigarette packets strewn across my side, and he'd forgot his wallet so I was expected to pay for my Birthday lunch at the classy McDonald's. Oh yeah and he threw a huff because I mentioned my sister was a twisted S.O.B, so rallied the car home. Not a single red light appeared for me to jump out the car in anger, very disappointing. Then he laughed in my face at my anger so I retaliated with the points in here:

 Well my last email obviously missed the point. Took longer to dawn on me than it should of, you were merely placating me. 

5 August 2017

Well all quiet on the Western front, literally. Complete radio silence from him, he bought me a chocolate bar though. Lovely, shame I'm behind in every single one of the bills. At least half of which are from his purchases, and he forgot to cancel a free trial of now TV,  so yeah, struggling financially right now. But hey at least he's not shouting at me and telling me my opinion is wrong.

3 August 2017

Following on directly from the previous post (here), they did roll in cackling and giggling. Really glad they did because my partner's phone was out of charge and despite adding and messaging the young lady I wasn't able to make contact at all, which definitely made me very anxious. Never mind I had a long shift in front of me, with lots of smiley chat and little sleep.
Yeah it was rough going but the clock finally ticked round to leaving time. It hadn't stopped there though, I was messaged and told to be home sharpish as we were going out to lunch. I counted this as a hungover apology and thought no more of it. Ten minutes before leaving I also got a phone call asking if we had spare toothbrushes, my instant thought was that one of the kids had dropped theirs down the toilet so I explained where they were despite the fact the children should know where they were kept.

2 August 2017

I've always had an irrational jealousy of people with friends. Jealous of their social groups and the functions and nights out they attend. Irrational because I really can't see myself enjoying a night out with so many people or being so inebriated. Yet sometimes that jealous doesn't seem so irrational or unfounded.