2 August 2017

I've always had an irrational jealousy of people with friends. Jealous of their social groups and the functions and nights out they attend. Irrational because I really can't see myself enjoying a night out with so many people or being so inebriated. Yet sometimes that jealous doesn't seem so irrational or unfounded.

Yesterday while sorting the washing I found a phone number on a scrap of paper. A girls phone number complete with love heart. Ignoring the initial burn of  vomit in the back of my throat, and how delightfully it fits with all I've learnt lately. I offered it back to him and was met with a fairly reasonable excuse. So I let it got and moved on.
Due to my work shifts I'm sleeping for 9pm to start work at half 5 in the morning, my partner comes in at 11-12am after his work. Imagine my surprise when I am woken up at 3am with drawers banging in the bedroom. Greeted by a suited and booted other half and told to be quiet. He didn't leave for work like that, so he's obviously been out. Going to the toilet I see why, he's been sitting and drinking with a 21 year old all dressed up to the nines. I don't know if they've been out together or just sat smoking up my living room, but now he's getting changed into casual clothes so they can disappear again.
I'm promised that they'll be back before I start work, in 2 hours and off they toddle, in her car. Well thank you very much! I guess I might as well get up and dressed, rather than lie in bed tossing and turning for an hour. I can just as easily panic if they will be back in time from my computer, and listen out for every passing car with a sense of dread and relief, while my panic and anxiety rises.

So I type this hoping to release some tension and find a better perspective. I don't think its working so well for me. For God's sake shes 16 years younger than him! She was three when our relationship started! None of this is made any better by the fact that it's the same girl from 1 August 2017, who has openly admitted she wants him. Its hard to claim its an irrational jealousy when you've seen a girl draped over your partner in public like she owns him.
What is it with the youth of today, do they only want a part time partner? Does my pre-trained other half tick the boxes; all the fun with out any of the washing or actual relationship?