Well all quiet on the Western front, literally. Complete radio silence from him, he bought me a chocolate bar though. Lovely, shame I'm behind in every single one of the bills. At least half of which are from his purchases, and he forgot to cancel a free trial of now TV, so yeah, struggling financially right now. But hey at least he's not shouting at me and telling me my opinion is wrong.
But he did text me the first night he didn't come home to say he was going to another girls house, I found out the next day the young lady was there too, she had to walk him back or some such crap. Last night he text saying nothing more than he'd be back before I left for work, I reminded him when I started and when I should be finished for. He loudly rolled in at 2am, by himself.
The kids first day back to school started this morning, and I'm really glad I sorted out everything last night, including getting them to set loud alarms so they would be ready. Because I got in and they were just about to leave, lo and behold he was still sleeping on the couch. They said they'd tried to wake him. Never mind, I sorted out the obligatory school photo, it was my middle child's first day at Secondary school so a big day.
He woke up briefly to offer the kids lunch money, which I'd already scrapped together, and seemed to forget that he'd promised them a lift to school. All day I pottered about tidying the house and washing his clothes (nope I don't know why either!). I answered my anxious daughter at lunch time, when she found the school too busy and didn't know how to work the machines; because he still wasn't stirring.
I phoned the school to query a message they'd sent saying my child wasn't in school uniform. My eldest, who was adamant his blazer still fitted him, and now I'm panicking that he picked up on the financial situation and didn't want to make life harder(something he has done in the past). I answered his young lady at the door to hand back his car key, she was already late for work and was going to be another half hour to get there. Glad there's a work ethic instilled in the young of today.
At quarter to 3 he gets a call, asks someone if they want to go grab something to eat, gets up and ready. At the same time I'm getting ready to collect our youngest from the Primary school. I leave and when I return he's gone. Wow, dad of the year can't wait to hear how the first day back was. I did notice he left his bank teller sheet lying on the couch, apparently he has money available to pay into HIS bank. Thanks.
EDIT: He did come back in time to ask our middle daughter how her first day of High School went. He said nothing to the other two children and nothing to me. He lay on the couch watching loud television until about 6pm, then disappeared out.
He was lying on the couch when I got up at 4am the next day, and actually had the cheek when I can in at half seven to shout at me for waking the kids up for school. I chose to shout back "So sorry I didn't mean to wake you!". But hey he had taken my cigarettes with him last night, and left me none.I packed to older two of for high school, after the obligatory meltdowns, and settled for a half an hour with my youngest.
He started rumbling about at half eight, but ignored her when she spoke to him, He left before us without a word. I saw him when I was walking her to school, I guess he was giving someone a life because there was a girl in his passenger seat. Well I say his the cars in my name; owned, insured and taxed in my name. It's tempting to sell the dam thing, but he needs it for work and to fund his nights out.
I swear I haven't thought about suicide or even cutting myself in years, but I feel so trapped in this life. If I leave him I have to find a new job, so that I don't rely on him for childcare. I have no external help, and I sure as heck can't afford the bills. I can't do that to the kids. Though they are already asking why dads not here, and what happened between us. It's getting so much harder to lie for him when all I want to do is cry, or bleed.
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