I finally got an answer, what does he expect me to do. He's been my best friend for 13 years and he has now left me emotionally and physically. This might be a fad or a mid life crisis, but right now he's done with our relationship. He doesn't see the point in me waiting for him to come back. I have to move on.
He hugged me that one armed 'friend' hug that men do when they feel uncomfortable with physical contact. And I clung to him like a child, I felt so embarrassed, relieved and safe. But at the same time I felt disgusted at my lack of strength and control. I can't stay angry at him, so I'm angry at myself. I hate myself for becoming so dependant on another human. the sobs are wracking my body and I just want to hurt myself so badly.
It's over and I have no one to turn to and nowhere to go. I am really lost now and I hurt so much. He still wants to be friends though, and has cleared space in his social calendar for me tomorrow. I assume after his college run and before he collects her. I never wanted to be put first, but I didn't want to be put last.
The three of them are off to the pub now, and he might see me when he gets in tonight. God if I ever have a 13 year best friend remind me not to walk out the door to the pub when they are dying inside.
A short post this one, but what else to say.
Chin up & Man up
Suicide and self harming are for cowards who don't have kids.
I'm stuck.
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