Well now I'm in my home town, and another 2 hours before I'm allowed to go home. Yup more walking. Without thinking my legs carry me home, I wish I'd gone elsewhere. Both his car and Girl 1's car are nestled together in the car park and my bedroom curtains are drawn. Me and the kids always use the blinds and he's the only one that ever bothers with the curtains. I really want to go to my own bed, but it looks like it would be a little crowded today.
I'm a coward at heart though so I walk away, head to the local gym for a cup of tea. Lovely I'm depressed as hell and fighting the urge to crash his party and I'm stuck in a place full of enthusiastic exercise freaks. I bury my head in my book reader and try to ignore my life. Time has done that funny thing again, I feel like its been hours but when I check my watch it's minutes. I drag out the tea then get another cup, and its nearly 10. The waitress is starting to look at me like I'm a homeless person, so I decide to pack up and move on.
Move on to where I wasn't sure so I headed home hoping her car was gone. Not a chance. I went in the back door of the flats and sat in the concrete lobby beside the collection of kids bikes. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried, but with the other residents coming and going I had to stay quiet so no one gave away my hiding spot by talking to me.
I wasn't really hiding, more trying to follow instruction with no friends to go to. Quarter past 10 and I hear the door opening and him saying goodbye, then I hear them kissing, then a few muttered endearments . I hold my breathe as she passes mere feet from me. The Girl who I feel confident holds equal blame for my current emotional situation walks past me, grinning up at my flat as she gets into her car. The Girl who sees nothing wrong with spending all her time with a married man with 3 kids almost 20 years older than her, passes unpunished.
Yeah I cry, who wouldn't?
Twenty minutes later he texts me and says the I can come home because the house is empty now. What took him 20 minutes? Or did he just forget me. I give it another 10 minutes, I don't want to seem desperate or nosy. Then I trudge up the stairs, a deep breathe at the door and more anguished shaking, and I'm home.
He's doing dishes, will wonders never cease, he only ever did dishes when he'd messed up, or to impress someone. I dump my back in the bedroom, and he chases me through to tell me that he slept in the bed last night. When he goes back to the dishes, I start stripping the bed, forcing myself not to check for blond hairs or her perfume. It needed washed anyway. Which is what I tell him when he laughs at me and tells me nothing happened. My heart hurts, but I don't ask. I couldn't bare another lie.
He shuts himself in the sitting room after getting no response to telling me all the board games they played that night. I can't respond, I'm fighting tears at the contrast between my restless lonely night and him playing games he wouldn't play with me. I can hear the steady pinging of his phone as he bashes out messages. I do a couple of washing's, and discover no bread in the house. I ask him if he needs anything from the shops, half hoping he'll offer to go and get the dam bread, he lies on the couch looking at me like I'm mad. So yet more walking for me.
When I come back I force a sandwich, despite my churning stomach and crash out on the freshly made bed, half an hour later I hear him leave. Girl 2 needs her college lift. Giving up on sleep I sort myself out in anticipation of the school run, and hearing from my tactless 6 year old how much fun they had last night.
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